I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize