The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize