Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
