Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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