I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
