Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
