wrigley field is MILF paradise
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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