I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
its liver damage thursday
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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