My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
