I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
