Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
