Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize