Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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