If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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