you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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