I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
