ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
