Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
