I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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