I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Couch. On fire.
Randomize