what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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