i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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