every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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