what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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