I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
