When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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