When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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