The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
