he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
