Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
