I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
