I need help removing her.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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