just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
