She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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