i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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