Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So vagazzling was a success
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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