Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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