Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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