The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
