Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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