She said her name was "party"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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