I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
