pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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