I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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