They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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