It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
