dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
