where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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