A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
