I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
