i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
