just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
