I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish life had little blips of pornography
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
