How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
