for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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