People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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