Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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