I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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