Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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