I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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